Defusing from Distressing Thoughts

Source: AI Generated Image

Cognitive defusion, or defusion as it is called for short, is a mindfulness process from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) in which you observe your thoughts from a distance.

One of the reasons that people struggle so much with their thoughts is because they are fused or overidentified with them.

In this case, they may not have a sense of their thoughts as "mental events" but view their thoughts as facts. However, our thoughts are not facts. In fact, they can be highly distorted.

Unlike traditional cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), ACT focuses on helping people change the way they are relating to their thoughts rather than trying to change their thoughts themselves. Why? Because it is often not possible to just change your thinking, even if you know it is irrational.

But we don't need to change our thoughts in order to lessen the distress they cause or the impact they have on our functioning! We can also defuse from them and relate to them with mindful awareness, as opposed to being overidentified or attached to them.

Unfortunately, if people are fused with thoughts, they can feel very real. Even worse, if people are in the practice of engaging unhelpful thoughts, they can become tangled up in them. Think of thrashing around in quicksand, which, as you probably know, only makes things worse.

Rather, we want to rest at the surface and allow our thoughts to exist without the struggle. Being able to be present and engage in our lives in a meaningful way while maintaining mindful awareness of, but not being overidentified with, difficult thoughts.

You don't need to get into an argument with your mind! You might compare it to getting into an argument with a difficult family member (you probably have at least one). Sometimes, saying something just isn't worth it! Sometimes, it is better to just sit silently and let them talk while you turn your focus elsewhere.

Generally, when people are fused with their thoughts, they want to stop, change, or control them and inevitably fail. This can result in even more frustration.

Trying to stop difficult thoughts can take away from our ability to be present in the moment. Not only that, but trying to stop, change, or control thoughts, often makes them more persistent, just like the quicksand or difficult family member metaphor.

Defusion strategies include noticing the thought. For example, I am noticing the thought that I failed (in reference to having a c-section as opposed to a vaginal birth) or my mind is telling me I want to die (in reference to suicidal thoughts). Now, this last one may be a "red flag" thought and an important indication to ACT, including utilizing crisis and/or emergency services like 988, 911, or going to the nearest ER. But remember a thought is not a fact. Having a thought doesn't make it true. It isn't necessarily something we need to ACT on or do anything about. For example, in the event of postpartum OCD, we don't want to try and neutralize a distressing thought about harm coming to the baby by engaging in some kind of compulsive behavior (and we don't need to judge ourselves for it either). We can use defusion strategies like labeling the thought an "image" or an "intrusive thought" and focus on what matters. My personal favorite defusion strategy is thanking the mind. By this, I mean that I thank my mind for alerting me to something I care about, want, or need. For example, in the event of thoughts in the event of intrusive thoughts of harm coming to my baby, I thank my mind for trying to keep my baby safe. Even in the event of suicidal thoughts, I thank my mind for trying to help me find relief from suffering, while knowing that these thoughts do not necessarily mean that I actually want to die and are an indication that I need to take ACTion to protect myself including seeking support.

Your mind is not your enemy. Even as it may feel like it sometimes, I promise it is trying to help you! I like to think of the mind like a tool, kind of like AI. It contains and can process a lot of information. It can help us solve problems, but it is fallible. So, don't always trust it! Use it like a tool. Take what is useful, discard or discount the rest. You can say, thank you mind, but no thank you.

Our thoughts are also often colored by present moment circumstances. That doesn't mean our experience isn't real. Of course it is! But, just like the weather, it will change. The clouds will part and the sun will come out again. Postpartum, for example, is a season. It is not forever. This doesn't mean you should just "wait it out" if you are suffering. You absolutely should take ACTion like attending a support group, seeking individual therapy, and/or going on medication. In fact, oftentimes, this changes the weather! Just know that the postpartum period is not the rest of your life. I suppose this is both a wonderful and also a sad thing. Wonderful because as your baby grows, they will sleep (and so will you)! Sad because your baby will never be this little, this dependent on you again. In a way, it is wonderful and sad for the same reason. It is the newborn's dependency on you that can make postpartum so demanding. It is their dependency and closeness to you that makes it so precious.