Breaking the Cycle of Proving Yourself

Have you ever walked out of a meeting more focused on defending your worth than discovering what you could learn?

In today’s high-stakes workplace, it’s easy to fall into the exhausting loop of proving yourself—seeking validation, justifying decisions, striving for recognition. But here’s the truth: the drive to prove ourselves often stalls the very growth we’re chasing.

It’s time to make a quiet but powerful shift: From proving to improving.

This subtle reorientation unlocks deeper fulfillment, more authentic leadership, and higher-functioning teams.

In this post, we’ll explore what this transition feels like, why it matters, and how to intentionally lead with an improving mindset. You’ll hear from professionals navigating high-pressure environments and walk away with strategies you can apply today.

The Proving Mindset: What It Feels Like

Operating in “proving mode” feels like always being on alert—ready to defend, persuade, or outperform.

In the body, you feel tightened muscles, an elevated heart rate, and constant tension.

In the mind, you experience racing thoughts, self-doubt, and hyper-focus on outcomes over learning.

Dr. Srini Pillay, a brain science innovator and fellow Psychology Today contributor, explains:

“When you’re in a proving stance that conflicts with another’s view, it puts them in a defensive mode and activates the amygdala. This makes it difficult for the prefrontal cortex to actually do any work.”

Jakob Gertsch, a young professional navigating high-risk environments, describes how proving himself heightens stress:

"In my current position, I often do not have super high conviction — everyone at work has a master's or PhD. There's rarely a time, especially on a technical point, where I feel completely certain."

Even among top performers, the pressure to prove can trigger impostor syndrome. Over time, this stance doesn’t just affect individuals—it impacts the whole team. Defensiveness rises, collaboration falters, and trust erodes.

The Improving Mindset: A Shift Toward Growth

An improving mindset, by contrast, is rooted in curiosity and connection. It invites reflection, rather than reaction.

In the body, you feel a relaxed posture, steady breathing, and a sense of openness.

In the mind, you experience clarity, creativity, and receptiveness to feedback.

Amanda Tien, a socially-minded entrepreneur, shares:

“Focusing on different perspectives relaxes my body—my shoulders go back, and I feel more curious.”

Curiosity doesn’t just change your thinking—it changes your physiology.

Dr. Pillay adds:

“When you intend to synchronize rather than defend, you’re more likely to be seen as a leader.”

Leadership doesn’t need to be loud—it needs to be attuned.

Strategies for Leaders: Moving from Proving to Improving

This transformation starts at the top. Leaders must model the shift—from certainty to curiosity, from control to connection.

Here’s how:

Ask better questions
Instead of: "Why didn’t this work?”
Try: “What can we learn from this?”
The questions we ask shape the culture we build.

Prioritize collaboration over competition
Celebrate team wins, not just individual heroics. When one person grows, the whole team moves forward.

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Normalize vulnerability
Share your own missteps and learning moments. Vulnerability builds trust—and trust builds performance.

Jakob offers this practical advice:

“Put yourself in situations where you're the dumbest person in the room. Do it enough, and you get used to having the right mentality to learn.”

Amanda adds:

“Create space for decompression and feedback. Be gracious. That’s where real growth happens.”

And here's a vital insight from Dr. Pillay:

When we stay in proving mode—especially when our views are challenged—we trigger defensiveness in others, mirroring negative emotions like anger and fear. This diminishes their capacity to think clearly or engage meaningfully.

But when we lead from a stance of exploration—seeing disagreement as an opportunity to learn—we activate the default mode network, responsible for complex problem-solving and future thinking.

That’s the zone where innovation lives.

Final Reflection

When leaders shift from proving to improving, they transform not only themselves but their team's entire culture.

This mindset shift fosters trust, unleashes creativity, and fuels continuous growth. It’s not about perfection. It’s about progress. It's not about having all the answers but asking better questions. So next time you feel the urge to prove yourself, pause—and ask: “What can I learn here?”

That’s the real leadership flex.