How to Feel More Joy—Even When the World Feels Heavy

Given the state of the world, many of my clients and friends are struggling to find joy—or even hope.

Take Jim, for example. He’d been feeling down and “blah,” so he decided to take matters into his own hands. He went out more with friends, picked up hiking again, and even started piano lessons. But no matter how hard he tried, joy still felt out of reach.
“What’s wrong with me?” he wondered.

If you’ve ever asked yourself the same question, you’re not alone. Maybe you've tried filling your calendar with activities—weekend getaways, new hobbies, even a different relationship—only to find that nothing lifts your spirits the way you hoped it would.

Source: Jill Wellington / Pixabay

Here’s the truth: There’s nothing wrong with wanting more joy, especially when reality feels heavy. But the reason joy might be eluding you isn’t because you’re doing the wrong things—it’s because you're doing things to get joy rather than doing things with joy.
Joy is a choice, not a reward.
It’s less about what we do and more about how we do it.

Think of it like going on a first date, pressuring yourself to feel chemistry instead of simply being open to the moment. Or going on vacation with the expectation that it must be the best trip ever, rather than appreciating the small joys of being away from daily demands.

Joy is more available than we think—we just don’t choose it often enough. And while it doesn’t always show up like a happy puppy rolling in the grass, joy has many expressions: gratitude, excitement, contentment, purpose and love. At its core, it’s a deep, fulfilling emotion that brings us into connection, with ourselves, with others, with life.

So, how do we start choosing joy more deliberately? Here are four practices that have been working for me and my clients:

1. Be Present and Appreciate

We hear a lot about mindfulness, and for good reason: Joy often arises when we’re fully immersed in the now, free from distractions, regrets, or future worries. Animals are great teachers of this. I often marvel at how my cats and horses seem to radiate joy, simply by being fully in the moment.

Try tuning into your senses. Watch the sunset. Stretch and yawn. Listen to your favorite music—whether it's Mozart or Pink Floyd. Eat something delicious and really savor it. These small pleasures anchor us to the present and open the door to joy.

Tip: When you're feeling disconnected, bring your full attention to what you see, hear, taste, touch, or smell. Joy often hides in plain sight.

2. Engage More Playfully

When we’re stuck in routine, joy can feel far away. We often switch to autopilot mode or resist what’s in front of us. But even ordinary moments can be infused with joy when we add a touch of playfulness or curiosity.

KC Davis, therapist and author of "How to keep house while drowning", turns chores into games by imagining she is competing in the “World Championship of Housekeeping” while cleaning, vacuuming, or picking up the kids' toys. I like to play the “What's Their Story?” game when I’m stuck in traffic, inventing little backstories for people in the cars around me.

Tip: Take a boring or repetitive task and see how you can make it fun. Turn it into a challenge or a creative exercise. See what shifts.

3. Choose Meaning Over Perfection

Ellen had a great idea for a book, but every time she sat down to write, she got stuck in self-doubt and rewrote the same paragraph over and over. Perfectionism was robbing her of joy. We talked about shifting from performance to purpose, focusing less on getting it right and more on sharing something meaningful. That mindset shift brought her joy back.

Joy doesn’t live in the flawless—it lives in the meaningful. When we let go of perfection and reconnect with why we’re doing something, joy flows more freely.

Tip: When you’re stuck in “getting it right,” ask yourself: Am I focusing on performance or purpose? Choose purpose, and joy will often follow.

4. Ride the Timeline—Forward and Backward

My wife Danielle once told me she admired how easily I could project myself into the future and already feel excited about an upcoming trip. Anticipation is powerful. Research shows that people often experience as much happiness from looking forward to something as from the event itself.

Happiness Essential Reads

Why Thinking About the Future Makes Your Life Better Now

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And joy isn’t just in looking ahead—it’s also in looking back. Happy memories are reservoirs of joy. Whether it’s a childhood moment with a beloved grandparent or the day you met someone important in your life, nostalgia reconnects us to what matters.

Tip: Each week, plan something to look forward to—even something small, like a walk, a favorite meal, or a creative project. And when you need a boost, revisit and fully immerse yourself in a favorite memory.

Joy is not something to chase—it’s something to invite.

Moment by moment, we can choose how we show up. The more we choose presence, playfulness, purpose, and perspective, the more we reconnect with the joy that’s always within reach, even during challenging times.