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Emotional Availability Test

20 Questions
3 Minutes

How Emotionally Available Are You?

Emotional availability is a willingness—and ability—to share one’s feelings and connect with someone emotionally; it’s an essential building block of any relationship, especially an intimate one. But for many people, opening up is difficult, for a range of possible reasons, and intimacy remains elusive. Consider these questions to determine how available you are.

Using the key below, answer the questions based on how strongly you agree or disagree with the statement.

Strongly Disagree
Disagree
Neutral
Strongly Agree
Agree
1. When a partner asks me how I’m feeling, I usually say, “Fine,” even if it’s not true.
Disagree
Agree
2. I have had more casual or short-term relationships than long-term committed relationships.
Disagree
Agree
3. When a partner and I are in a conflict, I prefer to go be by myself rather than keep talking about it.
Disagree
Agree
4. It’s important to express my love for my partner often.
Disagree
Agree
VectorPot/Shutterstock
5. I would rather work or engage with a hobby than talk about my relationship.
Disagree
Agree
6. I don’t want to depend on anyone, not even a partner.
Disagree
Agree
7. When a partner tells me I’m not emotionally engaged, I think that they’re too emotional, too sensitive, or just wrong.
Disagree
Agree
8. I think the things I do or get for a partner express my love just as much as do words.
Disagree
Agree
9. I sometimes think people expect more emotions from me than I’m able to offer, and that they feel let down.
Disagree
Agree
10. When a partner tells me about their problems or feelings, I assure them it’s not a big deal or that things will be OK.
Disagree
Agree
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11. I’m not a fan of public displays of affection.
Disagree
Agree
12. I sometimes worry about getting trapped in a relationship.
Disagree
Agree
13. When a partner asks me to talk about my childhood family relationships, I tell them it was fine and try to talk about something else.
Disagree
Agree
14. When a partner talks about deep feelings, I like to quote from movies, songs, or books instead of sharing my own thoughts.
Disagree
Agree
TarikVision/Shutterstock
15. I am comfortable around people who wear their heart on their sleeve.
Disagree
Agree
16. A partner has told me they worry about my capacity for love.
Disagree
Agree
17. I don’t think it’s important to label a relationship that seems to be working.
Disagree
Agree
18. When a partner starts to discuss difficult feelings, I try to make a joke.
Disagree
Agree
19. Being totally open with my feelings makes me deeply uncomfortable.
Disagree
Agree
20. When a partner starts a serious talk, I keep my phone or TV on instead of giving them my complete attention.
Disagree
Agree
Psychology Today's online self-tests are intended for informational purposes only and are not diagnostic tools. Psychology Today does not capture or store personally identifiable information, and your identity cannot be determined from your responses. Aggregated self-test responses are stored to improve the tests and provide performance comparisons. Psychology Today uses third party cookies such as Google Analytics to collect visitor data on this page without sharing any personal data, ensuring your identity cannot be determined from your visit. There are no advertising partners included on these self-test pages. If you wish to remove cookies from this site or opt out of data sharing, please click 'Do not share or sell my personal information' below. For a reliable medical diagnosis, please consult a professional.

Who Is This Test For?

This test is for anyone curious about emotional unavailability, or concerned that they may themselves be emotionally unavailable with those close to them.

We value your privacy - see how we protect the info you provide when you take this test.

How to Get Help

If you worry that you might be emotionally unavailable, or are in a relationship characterized by it, you can speak to a mental health professional about ways to address it. You can find a clinician in the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

Sources

Zeynep Biringen, et al. Emotional availability (EA): Theoretical background, empirical research using the EA Scales, and clinical applications. Developmental Review, 2014.

Emde, R. N. Emotional availability: A reciprocal reward system for infants and parents with implications for prevention of psychosocial disorders. In Taylor, P. M. (Ed.), Parent–infant relationships, 1980.

Hannah Saunders, et al. Emotional availability: theory, research, and intervention. Frontiers in Psychology, 2015.

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